I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
