you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize