why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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