Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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