Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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