we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
