the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
