Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
