Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
either way he was missing a nipple.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
