honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pants are for mortals
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize