How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
