worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We left the knife in your bed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
