im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
