stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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