Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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