dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
