Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
