he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
