Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
