my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
