I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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