Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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