God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
