I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
