weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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