I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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