dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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