I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
