my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
