atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
