rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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