Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
