Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
