No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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