as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize