im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
