My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
