it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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