Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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