Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
