$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
