to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
