I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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