The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
