Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
