Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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