How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
