She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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