I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
