your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
