So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize