I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
