i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
