i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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