i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were trust falling into bushes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize