My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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