we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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