im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
