Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
