420 ftw
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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