R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
