i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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