Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
