i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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