i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
