I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize