So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
